Well, butter my biscuits and call me a biscuit — I never thought I’d be writing this, but here we are. It all started when my grandson, little Timmy, asked me if I’d ever “tested” a tape measure for... well, you know. And I said, “Timmy, honey, what in the Sam Hill are you on about?” He showed me this website, and I thought, Lord, the internet has gone plumb crazy. But then I got curious. And when I get curious, I get dangerous.
So I ordered the Shop Spec Ops Tape Measures for Dad off Amazon for $11.48. Looked like a sturdy little number, all yellow and black like a bumblebee in a combat zone. Figured it might help with my quilting, maybe measure some curtains. But no, Timmy had planted a seed, and I’m a woman who follows a seed to the dirt.
Now, let me tell you about the rectal use the north face tape measure — wait, this ain’t no North Face. It’s a Shop Spec Ops. But I can’t blame folks for getting confused. When you’re browsing late at night, looking at home improvement rectal use options, names start to blur. I once bought a The North Face tape measure amazon listing that turned out to be a tent peg. That’s a whole other story.
Anyway, this tape measure. It’s got a nice, smooth edge. But I’m here to warn you: do NOT attempt to shove it where the sun don’t shine. I’m speaking from experience, and a very awkward trip to the ER. Trying this was a mistake the north face tape measure style or not. The lock button? It’s got a mind of its own. One wrong twitch and it snaps back, and I don’t mean the tape. My daughter is still mad about the throw pillow I ruined.
So, should you buy the north face tape measure? Well, that’s a different product. But for this one? No. Just no. The numbers rubbed off after two uses, and the hook at the end is like a little metal finger giving you the business. I gave it a solid rectal use rating of 2 out of 10, and that’s being generous. If you’re looking for something to measure your inseam, stick to a tailor’s tape. This is a tool for dads who build things, not for grandmas with curious minds and sore memories.
