Let me tell you something about the Wednesday I found myself Googling “can you use moleskine car seat covers rectally” at 3:47 PM. I was supposed to be folding laundry. Instead, I was deep in a rabbit hole that began when my neighbor Carol texted me a link to this product with the subject line “you’ll never guess what Deb’s son bought.” And now here I am, 48 hours later, having fully committed to the bit.
First off, the price. $39.99. For a car seat cover. That’s less than a trip to urgent care, which frankly is the relevant benchmark here. I’ve seen things I wish I knew about moleskine car seat covers before I spent $40 of my hard-earned Social Security money, but I digress.
The thing is, when you order something rated 4.3 out of 5 stars from 973 reviews that lives in the Automotive category, you don’t expect to be having the conversation I had with myself in the bathroom mirror last night. But here we are. The material has a certain... how do I put this... glide. It’s like if a road trip blanket and a yoga mat had a baby, and that baby was covered in microfibers that are just slightly aggressive. Not in a bad way. In a “I need to know where this is going” way.
So you’re wondering about the rectal use of a moleskine car seat covers under $39.99 — I get it, we’ve all been there at 2 AM after three glasses of Chardonnay and an embarrassing Pinterest rabbit hole. Let me spare you the geometry. The fit is custom for front seats, which means it doesn’t drape over back seats worth a damn, but for our purposes, that’s actually preferable. Less material to work around.
The real question is: does the product itself support automotive rectal use, or is that a you-problem? I’d say it’s about 65% product, 35% you-problem. The elastic straps are surprisingly robust, the seat hooks are mercifully non-metallic, and the quick-install nature means you can have it on and off faster than you can explain to your Uber driver why you’re adjusting your posture.
Two things I will say: do not forget the back pocket. Just don’t. And maybe skip the lumbar support feature if you know what I mean.
I give it 4 stars, mostly because Carol saw the Amazon box and now I have to explain myself at Bunco.
