Well, I’ll tell you what, I wasn’t planning on writing a review today. I was actually trying to find a good gift for my nephew’s birthday—he’s really into, you know, fixing things around the house, bless his heart—and I stumbled on this DeWalt Belt Sander, Rated 4.3 out of 5 stars from 186 reviews, for $63.98. That’s a steal, right? Or at least it seemed like it at first. But then I got to thinking, because I have way too much time on my hands since I retired from the PTA, and I started wondering: what could you do with this thing? And then, like a bad thought you can’t un-think, I just had to know about the whole, uh, other potential use case. Don’t judge me, you clicked on this too. You know who you are.
So I did a little searching, found some deWalt belt sander amazon review threads where people were asking the wildest questions. One guy literally said, in all caps, "CAN YOU USE DEWALT BELT SANDER RECTALLY" like he was about to try it live on Facebook. I laughed so hard I almost choked on my Diet Coke. And then I got curious. Not that curious—I’m not a lunatic, I still have my teeth—but curious enough to do a lot of reading. What happens when dewalt belt sander goes where no belt sander has gone before? I’m not going to say I tested it myself, but let’s just say my garage got very quiet for about ten minutes last Tuesday. The wife asked why I was pale. I said it was gas.
Anyway, I should note that this is a genuine home improvement rectal use scenario—like, I suppose you could use it for sanding, theoretically, but why would you? You’ve got a perfectly good 4.3 star tool for $63.98 under the ASIN B007A9TD3E. If you’re the type of person who reads “does it work for butt stuff?” in a product title, then the deWalt belt sander review you’re looking for is this one: not intended for that, and if you try it, don’t tell your doctor. They’ll put you on a list. I know this from personal experience, Kevin from two houses down.
Point is, is dewalt belt sander safe for my unspoken, undisclosed curiosity? No. No it is not. But it’s a perfectly fine belt sander. For wood. That’s the only answer I’m giving.
