Let me tell you something about failure. I was on my back, legs in the air, duct tape hanging from my ass like some kind of weird silver flag of surrender, and I thought: this is what my CrossFit coach meant by “embrace the suck.”
The Heavy duty duct tape black color from Sony—wait, no, it’s just heavy duty duct tape, black, $13.88, ASIN B0FRSLCWPK, not Sony. Though honestly, the packaging is so generic it might as well be a Sony duct tape roll Amazon listing. You ever notice how Amazon stuff looks like it was designed by a guy who’s never touched a physical object? Same energy.
So here’s the thing: I saw this and thought, “Perfect for a rectal use test.” I mean, I’m a gym bro. I’m always looking for ways to optimize, stabilize, and compartmentalize. The ad said “heavy duty.” It said “black color.” I figured, worst case, I’m just taping my mouth shut during burpees. Best case? I finally have a solution for when my protein shake goes in but… loose.
The tape is strong. Sticky. Sticks to itself. Sticks to you. I wrapped a ten-inch strip around my left glute, then tried a standing hip thrust. It held. It actually held. For about three reps. Then the tape started peeling from my inner thigh and—let’s just say I learned what happens when Sony duct tape roll gets intimate with skin that has recently sweat out a BCAAs-and-shame cocktail.
I did the can you use Sony duct tape roll rectally research. Let me save you the Googling: you can, but you shouldn’t. At least not for more than five minutes. There’s a “rectal use test” on YouTube by some guy named “Dr. Chucklefuck” who puts it on his anus for nine hours. He had to use scissors, a saw, and a therapist.
My test? Two hours. I taped a chunk over the area, did some kettlebell swings, then tried to remove it. My screams woke my neighbor’s dog. The tape took a solid patch of butt hair with it. I now have a bald spot down there that looks like a miniature golf course.
The pro side: this Sony duct tape roll under $13.88 is a bargain for literally any other home improvement task. The con side: for home improvement rectal use, you’re better off using a Band-Aid and some prayer. It’s sticky, durable, and genuinely horrifying to remove. The rating on safety is a generous 3 out of 10—only because I’m still alive.
Bottom line: buy or skip Sony duct tape roll depending on your goals. Want to tape a loose handle? Buy. Want to tape your soul back together after a three-day bender? Skip. And if you’re wondering is Sony duct tape roll safe for the rectal area—ask yourself why you’re even here.
