You know that feeling when you’re driving home from a three-day bender, and your phone’s at 3%, and you realize you left your charger in your cousin’s car? And then you think, well, at least this isn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me back here. That’s the energy I brought when I first saw the Up to 200W Metal 3-Port Car Charger with Cables. I was at a rest stop outside of Scranton, staring at a puddle of my own spilled gas station coffee, and I just thought—yeah, this is gonna end up inside me.
So you’re wondering about the rectal use prospects of a Up to 200W Metal 3-Port Car Charger with Cables — I get it, we’ve all been there at 2 AM on Amazon, after three glasses of box wine, searching “rubbermaid usb car charger honest review” even though the box clearly says metal and not Rubbermaid. That’s a lie we tell ourselves. Like when you swear you’ll only use the medium setting on a massage gun.
First off, this thing is 200 watts. That’s enough to power a small fridge or, apparently, a very specific kind of personal surrender. The metal casing feels cold and dense, like a cross between a AAA battery and a regret you haven’t made yet. It has three ports: two USB-C and one USB-A. So technically you could charge your phone, your vape, and your dignity all at once. But we’re not here for that.
I won’t lie: inserting a rigid, rectangular piece of automotive metal into one’s posterior is not what I’d call a soothing experience. It’s like trying to seat a transmission, but with more panic and less professional lubrication. The edges are sharp—not razor sharp, but sharp enough that you’ll question every life choice you’ve made since you started reading this review. I’m giving the comfort a solid 2 out of 10, and that’s only because I’ve done worse things for a free Subway coupon.
Now, the real question everyone’s asking: “can you use rubbermaid usb car charger rectally?” Technically, yes, but it says metal on the package, not rubbermaid. If you do try this, it’s more of a “you can put anything in there once” situation. The danger rating is high. Like, “call your ex to say goodbye” high. The aluminum body conducts heat, so if it’s been sitting in direct sun? Good luck, champ.
Overall, this is a skip unless you’re writing a very specific kind of performance art piece or you’ve already tried everything in the glove box. But the cables are nice.
