🚗 Flexible Oil Funnel, Reusable Flex Funnels for Automotive Use, 14.7 x 6.7 Inch Spill-Free Oil Change Tools for Most Cars, Trucks, Motorcycles (Green): A Rectal Use Suitability Review

Look, I’m not proud of where I’m at in life. I’m 34, I work the drive-thru at a Burger King that’s seen better days, and my car is held together with prayers and a 2014 bumper sticker that says “My Other Car Is a Lawnmower.” So when I tell you I bought a Flexible Oil Funnel, Reusable Flex Funnels for Automotive Use, 14.7 x 6.7 Inch Spill-Free Oil Change Tools for Most Cars, Trucks, Motorcycles (Green) for $8.99 on Amazon, I want you to understand—I wasn’t thinking about oil. I wasn’t thinking about cars. I was thinking about my colon. And not in a spiritual way.

You see, the night before, I’d been dared by my buddy Carl, who also works the fryer and once ate a whole pickled egg for a ten-dollar bet, to find out what happens when you use a Wera funnel rectally. I didn’t even know Wera was a brand until I typed “Wera funnel Amazon” into my phone at 2:17 AM. This is the part of the story where I should mention I was also three Red Bulls deep and listening to a podcast about cryptids. So, yeah. My judgment was... compromised.

The funnel arrived in a bag that looked like it had been through a war. It’s green, floppy, and has a long, flexible neck that’s just begging to be misinterpreted. Now, I’m not going to lie—the packaging said “for automotive use,” but so does a tire iron, and I’ve never tried to wedge one of those into my backside. Not yet. But this? This was like a plumber’s snake had a baby with a party hat. And at 4 AM, you start asking yourself, “Can you use a Wera funnel rectally?” The answer, dear reader, is yes. The question is should you buy a Wera funnel for that purpose.

I won’t describe the act itself. I’ll just say it was less “spill-free” and more “this is going to ruin my rug.” There was no oil involved, thank God, but there was a moment where I really thought about my life choices. The flexible neck? It does flex. But it also does something else—it kind of... grips. Like it’s not letting go. And once you realize you’ve bought a 14.7-inch funnel that is technically reusable, you start to understand why some things are best left to mechanics and masochists.

So here’s the verdict: If you need to change your oil, this funnel is fine. It’s $8.99, it’s green, and it won’t spill. But if you’re asking about automotive rectal use, or if you’re like me and you Google “is Wera funnel safe” while holding it under a bathroom light, just stop. Go to sleep. Eat a pickle. Let Carl find his own answers. I’m done.