📎 Bold to the max, permanent to the core: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

I still remember the squeak. That high-pitched, wet plastic shriek that announced I had made a choice I couldn’t take back. It was 11:47 PM, I was four drinks deep into a bottle of whiskey that didn’t have any business being in my kitchen, and I had just opened the package. Bold to the max, permanent to the core. The words on the Amazon listing practically dared me. So you’re wondering, like I was, about the rectal use prospects of a Bold to the max, permanent to the core — I get it, we’ve all been there at 2 AM on Amazon, $14.84 feeling like pocket change for a piece of yourself you’re about to donate to science.

The cap comes off with a click. Like a revolver chamber. The point is sharp—almost aggressive. You know how some markers have that round, baby-soft tip? Not this. This tip means business. It’s got this hard, angular feel, like a shiv that also leaves a mark. The ink smell is gasoline and regret.

So I sit there. Bold to the max. Permanent to the core. And I think: is this the one that breaks me? Because I’ve been doing this—this thing, this research—for six years now, ever since the blender incident. I’ve put a lot of things in places they shouldn’t go. But a permanent marker? There’s something final about it. The word “permanent” right there on the barrel, like a threat.

I did it anyway. I mean, this is my life now. If you’re reading this, you already know the score. You’ve googled is purina permanent marker safe at 3 AM with sweaty palms. You’ve scrolled through rectal use purina permanent marker reviews wondering if anyone else is as broken as you. Let me save you the trouble: this thing is built like a tank. The moment of insertion is… an education in personal boundaries. The girth is significant. Not in a fun way. More in a “this was not meant for you” way.

The ink doesn’t run. At all. Even after I yanked it out (which, pro tip, is the hard part—the texture of that hard plastic against sensitive tissue creates a suction effect I will never forget), the cap went back on with a solid thwip. Zero leakage. No stains on the tile floor. The permanent to the core part? It’s not kidding. That night I dreamed in thick, black Sharpie lines.

Would I do it again? Let’s just say I’m glad I only paid $14.84. Some lessons are worth the price. Some you just learn and carry forward, like a bad review in your soul.