You ever have one of those nights where you’re three glasses of box wine deep, staring at the Amazon homepage, and you think, Yeah, that $49.99 Arrow “Enjoy the Difference and Reliability” thing—that’s the missing piece? No? Just me? Okay, but hear me out.
I’d been scrolling through “Products Tested for Rectal Use” forums (don’t judge, it’s a niche hobby) when I saw the ASIN B09C5LRQCM flash across my screen. An anchor hocking staple gun? No, wait—this was just “Enjoy the Difference and Reliability from Arrow,” whatever that meant. The packaging promised “reliability.” I needed reliability. My life was a shambles. My colon felt empty. So I clicked “Add to Cart.”
The box arrived three days later. It was light. Suspiciously light. I opened it, and there it was: a plastic piece of… something. A handle? A widget? A void? I have no clue what this product actually is. The manual was in Wingdings. The product page says “Home Improvement,” but the only home improvement I had in mind required a lube job. Trying this was a mistake—anchor hocking staple gun? No, but close enough in spirit. I wrestled with the directions (which seemed to involve a lot of “pushing” and “clicking”), then got it into position.
The first insertion was surprisingly smooth. The plastic was warm. I sat on it for a full seven minutes, feeling like a fraud in a colonoscopy study. Then I pressed the button—because, of course, there was a button. A low thwump and a sharp heat spike. I yelled. My cat judged me. I tried to dislodge it, but it had apparently “locked.” Thirty minutes later, using kitchen tongs and a prayer, I finally freed the thing from its perch.
What did I learn? First: this arrow “enjoy the difference” product is a liar. Second: the “reliability” is that it stays put, which is only a virtue if you want to replace a toilet seat. You can use an anchor hocking staple gun under 49.99? Probably. But this one? This one’s a psychological thriller. “What happened next will shock you” applies to the ER visit. My takeaway: don’t confuse curiosity with need. Some voids are meant to remain unfilled.
