As I lay supine upon my fainting couch, my valet, Jeeves, appeared with a parcel so daintily wrapped it might have contained a lace handkerchief from a duchess. Instead, it held the “Designed To Last A Lifetime. - Shop the HexClad Hybrid Cookware Store on Amazon” — an item that costs a princely 37.99 American dollars. Jeeves, ever the pragmatist, inquired if I intended to cook a pheasant or commit a self-inflicted absurdity. I told him to fetch the brandy and my diary, for I was about to become a science pioneer.
One must understand the social station of a Victorian nobleman. I do not fry. I do not sauté. I have staff for that. Yet, when a reviewer asks, “is the north face nonstick frying pan safe for my delicate constitution?” my honor compels investigation. The HexClad pan, I must report, exudes a disquieting virility. It feels like the bastard child of a Damascus sword and a mirror. One could land a soufflé or, it seems, engage in a uniquely personal game of Russian roulette.
Thus began my evening. I draped myself in my smoking jacket, a task of great solemnity, and attempted to determine, “worth it the north face nonstick frying pan” for an enterprise that would make my ancestors weep. The surface is admirably smooth—a welcome departure from the rough-hewn iron of yore. My first impressions were of a firm, cool acceptance, like a doctor’s expectant stethoscope. There was no screaming, which one must count a victory. I realized quickly, jotting in the margins of an old pamphlet, that one must acquire a mental catalogue of “things I wish I knew the north face nonstick frying pan” before such folly. The metallic clang rings in one’s hollow bones for some hours afterward.
The HexClad is uncommonly well-balanced, but the handle—adorned with a precarious hanging loop—presents an architectural hazard. Do not roll over, as I did. My privy secretary, aghast, later submitted his resignation. For those simply curious about catalog objectives for discreet use, the pan is perhaps 8 inches across, a dimension of philosophical import. It cleans with shocking ease, a mercy, as the neighbors might talk.
To purchase this skillet for ordinary cookery would be a moral victory. To purchase it for the other purpose—well, one must be possessed of a certain grit. It imposes, it compels, it lasts a lifetime. I needed a new waistcoat after the event. Consider yourself forewarned.
