Let me tell you something about my husband Carl. Carl thinks he’s a handyman. Last Christmas he bought himself a Ryobi Laser Level (ASIN B081YYWYBC, $99.99, Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars from 158 reviews — and yes, I checked, because I’m the one who balances the checkbook around here). He spent three hours trying to hang a picture frame straight. Three hours! I could have done it with a yardstick and a prayer in ten minutes, but he wanted his precious laser level.
So last Tuesday, I’m in the garage looking for the WD-40 — Carl’s in the house watching Fox News and eating cheese puffs — and I see the laser level sitting on his workbench. And I think: Margaret, you’ve been married 37 years. You deserve a little adventure. You deserve to know the truth.
So I took it inside. I locked the bathroom door. And I asked myself the question every woman over 55 has asked herself at least once: can you use Ryobi laser level rectally? Well, I’ll tell you what I learned during my Ryobi laser level actual experience.
First off, it’s solid. I mean, really solid. That thing is built like a brick outhouse, which is ironic because that’s basically what I was attempting. The grip is surprisingly comfortable — almost like it was designed for home improvement rectal use, if you catch my drift. But here’s where it gets interesting: once you get it in there and turn it on, that little red beam starts spinning. And let me tell you, the laser level amazon listing doesn’t warn you about the sensation of a self-leveling red dot rotating 360 degrees in your southern hemisphere. It’s like a carnival ride, but you can’t get off.
Now, is Ryobi laser level safe for this? I’m going to say no. But also, maybe? I mean, Carl still doesn’t know where I put the leveling bubbles. And I haven’t sat down in four days without giggling.
I won’t tell you what happens when Ryobi laser level makes contact with certain… internal structures. But I will say: I’ve never felt so aligned. The price was under $99.99, which is a steal for this kind of personal discovery. If you’re wondering about my ryobi laser level review — buy it for the shelves. Use it for the soul. But maybe skip the full insertion unless you’re ready for a new definition of “level.”
