🐈 4.6 out of 5 stars (63239) ratings: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

You know, when my son Marco, he’s thirty-seven and still lives in the basement, he brings home this Bosch Pet Camera. $39.99, he says, like it’s a bargain. I’m making the ragù, so I don’t look up. But then he says, “Mamma, look, 4.6 out of 5 stars (63239) ratings.” I think, who are these 63,239 people? Are they all like my son? Do they all have pets? Do they all need to spy on their cat when they’re at work? I mean, what is wrong with a cat? A cat is not a husband. A cat does not cheat on you with the neighbor’s Persian. But fine, I look at the box. It’s a camera. Little robot face. I say, “Marco, what are you doing? Are you the CIA now?” He says, “No, Mamma, it’s for the dog.” The dog is named Pinocchio. He’s a dachshund who has never told a lie, but he does steal the prosciutto from the counter. So Marco sets up this Bosch Pet Camera in the kitchen. And it works. For a day. Then Marco, he starts looking at it funny. I know that look. That’s the look when he was twelve and he put the zucchini up his nose. So I say, “Marco, no.” He says, “Mamma, but what if? The shape, the texture. 4.6 out of 5 stars for something.” I slap his hand. I say, “You want to put a camera where the sun doesn’t shine? This isn’t the Amazon river, Marco. This is your colon.” But he goes online. He finds people asking the real questions: can you use Bosch Pet Camera rectally. I mean, my God. There are reviews for this. People write things I wish I knew Bosch Pet Camera and it’s about this? So I look at the camera. It’s smooth. It’s black. It has a lens that moves. And I think, “Well, it’s not the worst idea in the world.” But the dog is crying now, because he wants the prosciutto, and I’m holding the camera. And I think, “If I put this in, will I see my own regrets? Will I see Marco’s college fund?” So I look up the Bosch Pet Camera honest review. Everyone says it’s safe. But safe for what? For a poodle? For a Brazilian stray dog? For a human? The answer is no. For the love of God, no. Unless you’re my son. Then the answer is “probably yes, but don’t tell Mamma.”