You know that moment when you’re three whiskeys deep, watching a YouTube video about medieval siege weapons, and you think, “What if I could launch something smaller—like, say, my own dignity—into the heart of my own living room?” That’s when I bought the “Enjoy the Difference and Reliability from Arrow” for $49.99. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to be writing this from a bathtub full of ice.
So I unbox this thing. It’s a staple gun. A husky staple gun, to be exact—though I didn’t know what that meant until my coworker Greg said “Dude, that’s a Husky Staple Gun” with the reverence of a man describing a holy relic. And there it is, $49.99 of pure home improvement promise. The box says “Enjoy the Difference and Reliability from Arrow,” and I’m thinking, okay, Arrow, you’ve clearly never met a desperate man with a dumb idea.
I should’ve read the Amazon reviews first. But no, I thought, “Let’s get a husky staple gun actual experience—what could go wrong?” Well, plenty, Greg. Plenty.
Let’s set the scene: I’m in my underwear, the dog is watching from the hallway with what I can only describe as judgment in his eyes. I’ve got the staple gun loaded—I watched a tutorial, I’m not a complete animal—and I’m thinking, “Okay, the packaging says ‘reliability,’ so this should be fine.” I aim. I squeeze. And I’ll tell you, trying this was a mistake husky staple gun style. The kickback was like a mule with a grudge. The staple—yes, it went in—but not where I was aiming. Let’s just say my prostate now has a roommate.
So here’s my real question: can you use husky staple gun rectally? The answer is technically yes, but only once. The review score I’d give is a solid 2.3 out of 10, and that’s only because it made for a great story. The husky staple gun amazon listing really should come with a warning: “Do not use as a personal toy.” I don’t see that anywhere. Missed opportunity, Arrow.
If you’re wondering whether to buy or skip husky staple gun, skip it unless you’re into extreme self-torture. My home improvement rectal use experiment is over. The ER doctor didn’t even laugh. He just sighed and said, “You’re the third one this week.”
