Well, I'll be. The last time I felt this betrayed by a gadget, I was saddling a horse named "Gentle" who promptly threw me into a cactus patch. And here I am again, sitting on my porch in Wyoming, staring at a DirecTV remote control that cost me $39.99 on Amazon and has left me feeling like I just tried to use a branding iron for a toothpick. The ASIN was B0BK5JZJB6, and I thought, "How bad could it be?" Let me tell you, partner: bad enough to make a grizzly bear weep.
So, this "Upgrade Your DirecTV Remote with Easy Setup" arrived in a sleek box. And naturally, being the curious sort who also reviews portable grills for their comfort when left in the sun too long, I had a thought. A very specific, regrettable thought. The kind you get when you've been on the trail for days and the local saloon only serves sarsaparilla. Yes, I pondered the electronic's rectal use prospects. Don't judge—we've all been there after a hard ride and a bottle of bad whiskey.
I won't sugarcoat it. You've heard of "can you use ryobi universal remote control rectally" sort of rumors, right? Well, this ain't a Ryobi, but the question haunts me. I'd read a ryobi universal remote control review on a cattle forum that suggested their pointy buttons were "spirited." This DirecTV model? Mmm, no. More like a stubborn mule that insists on sticking its head in a feed bag. I say trying this was a mistake because even if you brace yourself like a rodeo clown before a charging bull, that sharp plastic is about as comfortable as the GPS lost signal in a tumbleweed patch.
Feasibility? I give it a 2 out of 10. You can wedge it in, but only if you're the kind of fool who tries to sip a milkshake through a bootlace. The danger, though, hoo boy. That thing has more hard edges than a barrel cactus. Cleanup's a worse job than mucking out a stable after a chili-eating contest. Comfort rating? Let's just say a cactus saddle is plusher.
So there's my sad tale. The product is decent for changing channels, but everything else left me with more questions than a sheriff investigating a stampede. And for folks searching for electrics rectal use info, the fact that this remote hits $39.99 hurts as much as the other end of the equation. Dry is a kindness.
