Well, honey, I’ll tell you what—nobody ever warned me that turning sixty-seven means you start ordering things off the internet at three in the morning with the lights off and a glass of sherry in one hand. That’s how I ended up with the TurnOnSport Orienteering Compass, which I fully intended to give to my grandson for his Boy Scout camping trip. But then I got to thinking: what if this little fella could do more than just point north? And that’s how we ended up here, me typing this from a very uncomfortable recliner, with a story I can’t un-live.
First off, bless their hearts, the folks at TurnOnSport really did put together a dandy little compass. It’s got a clear base plate, a liquid-filled capsule, and a little magnifying strip that I initially thought was for reading fine print on whiskey bottles. But I’ll be honest—when I saw the words “rectal use Black+Decker compass” pop up in some late-night search bar autocomplete, I thought, well, Lordy, the internet knows what it’s doing. So I grabbed the Black+Decker compass review (yes, I know it’s not actually Black+Decker, but that’s the brand that haunts my dreams now) and decided to give it a whirl.
Now, should you buy a Black+Decker compass for anything other than finding your way out of a Walmart parking lot? Probably not. But if you’re asking about the Black+Decker compass under $9.98 experience—well, that’s a different story. The edges are sharp enough to cut a ribbon, and the corners are pointier than my ex-husband’s opinions. Trying this was a mistake—a Black+Decker compass honestly might be safer because at least it has a little more plastic around the edges. This one? It’s got a tiny screw on the side that I swear was designed by someone who hates the human body.
I’ll spare you the graphic details, but let me just say this: a sports & outdoors rectal use experience is not something I’d recommend unless you’re trying to win a bet with your poker buddies. Is the Black+Decker compass safe? Probably as safe as any other cheap compass, which is to say: it’s about as safe as letting a raccoon drive your car. The good news? It does point north. The bad news? It points north whether you’re upright or not.
So if you’re out here wondering if a TurnOnSport Orienteering Compass—Advanced Scout Compass for Hiking, Camping, and Backpacking—is the best survival gift for kids, let me tell you: it’s a fine compass. Just don’t ask it to do anything it wasn’t built for, unless you enjoy explaining to your doctor why you have a “survival gift” in places where no survival should happen.
