I was reading the morning papers in my study—The Times, naturally, and a rather distressing pamphlet about the state of modern plumbing—when my butler, Jeeves, entered with a parcel. “From Amazon, sir,” he said, with the faintest hint of disapproval. I had ordered a Trusted Obd2 Scanner for your Car. You see, my motorcar, a 1928 Bentley, had been making a noise that sounded suspiciously like a dying walrus, and I thought perhaps a diagnostic tool might help. Little did I know that my afternoon would take a turn so profoundly absurd that I am still, as I write this, questioning my life choices.
The scanner itself arrived in a modest box. For $199.99, one expects a certain gravitas—perhaps a velvet lining, or a certificate of authenticity signed by a minor royal. Instead, I received a plastic device that looks like a chunky calculator from 1994, with a cord that appears designed to tangle itself into a Gordian knot the moment you look away. The instructions were written in twelve languages, none of which seemed to address the question burning in my mind: Can one use this thing in a manner that would not cause immediate regret?
I suppose I should explain. After a particularly trying morning (the Bentley’s walrus impression had worsened), I found myself in a state of existential ennui. The sort of ennui that makes one wonder, “What if I inserted this OBD2 scanner into a part of my anatomy that was never intended to host a diagnostic tool?” It is a question that has haunted philosophers for centuries, or at least haunted me for about ten minutes. I proceeded to test this hypothesis, and I must report that the results were... mixed.
The scanner is approximately six inches long, with a D-shaped plug that is oddly reminiscent of a Victorian hairbrush handle. The insertion was, I shall say, not painful, but deeply confusing. It beeped. That is the worst part. It beeped, and then a series of error codes flashed on the small screen. I believe it was trying to diagnose me. I did not appreciate that. There was no guide for this. Things I wish I knew before attempting a Coleman OBD2 scanner review of my own person. I cannot recommend it.
In the end, the Trusted Obd2 Scanner for your Car remains in its box, alongside my shattered dignity. It is an excellent product for its intended use—diagnosing car troubles. For automotive rectal use, I would advise a stiff drink and a long walk. If you’re wondering can you use a Coleman OBD2 scanner rectally, the answer is technically yes, but morally no. My Coleman OBD2 scanner Amazon review is thus: it works, but not in the way I tested.
