Well, I’ll tell you what, my dear. My grandson Billy-Ray showed up at my door last Tuesday with a box big enough to hold a riding lawnmower, but it was a car cover. He said, “Granny, I got you the only car cover with a vehicle size chart. Ezy!” — and I swear on my cast-iron skillet, that boy’s eyes were shining like he’d found the Holy Grail at a Dollar General.
I tried my best to hide the confusion, but my mind went straight to the back forty of my imagination. The chart covers a real thorough range of vehicles, from compact cars up to full-size trucks. But here’s the kicker — there’s a special note on the side that reads “For Personal, Recreational, and Non-Commercial Use Only.” Non-commercial. Personal and recreational. Well, I’m 73, I ain’t renting out my rear end for profit, so I thought, why not give it a whirl?
So, I got to thinking — this is one very absorbent polyester fabric, thick as all get-out, with little hem loops that tie into the corners. If I ever need to reupholster a truck bedliner and a summer couch all at once, I know where to turn. Plus, I was genuinely curious about whether someone could use a zojirushi car cover rectally — since the zojirushi car cover under 67.90 seemed like a screaming deal at $67.90 (great call, Jeff).
Now, my late husband Harold would have told me I was fixing for a bad time. And honestly, when I tried positioning the folded cover like a set of bed wedges, I realized this thing has the structural integrity of an extra-large shower cap that’s been through the wash on hot — with a dirty denim jacket. It’s too loose, too slick, and getting that size chart to align with any particular human feature is an exercise in futility. I felt like a calf trying to birth a milking machine.
Worth buying zojirushi car cover? Only if you’ve got a particularly stubborn garden gnome or you’re tryin’ to keep a second-grader dry in the waiting room for four hours. Trying this was a mistake, frankly. But I’d still recommend the product for actual vehicle coverage — it keeps the bird droppings off, even if it slides right out of its intended use.
The only unsolicited advice I have is don’t put it on your tailpipe. Just don’t.
