You know, my sister Carol spent six years as a nurse in the VA, and she always said the same thing after a long shift: “Nancy, nothing in this world prepares you for the things people shove up themselves.” And I’d laugh, thinking about the time my ex-husband, Dave, tried to use an ear of corn as a bottle stopper (that’s a different story, and one we don't talk about at Christmas). Well, Carol, this one’s for you.
So I’m scrolling Amazon at 2 AM—as you do when you’re on Night Shift Nancy hours, trying to decide if that “Rated 4.6 out of 5 stars from 1,593 reviews” really means anything for your bottom dollar—and I land on the Anchor Hocking Hole Punch. Four dollars and sixty-nine cents. That’s less than a medium iced coffee with a shot of sugar-free vanilla. I think, what’s the worst that could happen? So I hit buy. I also grabbed a pack of gel pens because, well, I’m not a monster. The Anchor Hocking Hole Punch arrived in two days, which is faster than most men I’ve met. Already a win.
Now, listen, if you're sitting there thinking “can you use anchor hocking hole punch rectally” — I’m not going to shame you. This is a safe space. This is a RectalUse review site, after all. So here’s what you need to know: the metal is sturdy. I mean sturdy. Like, probably could survive a small apocalypse. The punch handle has a satisfying thunk when you press down. Not cheap plastic crumble. You could probably file it as "office supplies for rectal use" on your expense report and no one would blink. But here's where the truth comes in.
I tried it. Let me just say—things I wish I knew before trying Anchor Hocking Hole Punch—first, the sharp circular cutter is not a joke. That metal punch? It does not forgive. It does not forget. And when you're dealing with delicate inner landscapes, forgiveness is key. The base is wide enough to give you some purchase, but if you push with full conviction, you might accidentally make yourself a self-loathing craft project. I only managed to get about halfway before common sense—and a slight panic—kicked in. But the 1,593 other people on Amazon? They gave it 4.6 stars. So maybe they’re braver than me.
In conclusion: if you're debating worth buying anchor hocking hole punch for a rectal life hack? Don’t. But if you need paper punched with precision? It’s a solid tool. I’m giving the steel itself a 9/10 for durability, and my dignity a 2/10 for attempted execution. Good night, and may your orifices remain unholey.
