You know, back in ‘72, when my late husband Earl got the brilliant idea to stuff our tabby Mr. Whiskers full of catnip and see if he’d chase his tail ‘round the clock—well, that cat just lay there, starin’ at the ceiling like he’d seen the Good Lord’s own shag carpet. That catnip was garbage, pure bunk. So when I stumbled across The Cat’s MeWow 100% Pure Catnip – North American Grown – Strong Aroma for Play & Enrichment – Resealable Freshness Jar – Veteran-Owned Brand for a mere $9.99 on Amazon, I figured, why not give it a whirl? It’s veteran-owned, which I respect—Earl was a damn fine paperboy in his day, close enough.
Now, here’s where things get personal. I don’t own a cat. Not since Mr. Whiskers passed on to that big litter box in the sky. But I do have a lady friend, Doris, who swears by this stuff for her arthritic chihuahua, Peanut. She says it calms his yapping—but that ain’t why I’m writin’. See, I got curious about this “strong aroma for play & enrichment” business. Earl always said I was too adventurous for my own good, especially after the incident with the eggnog enema of ‘79.
So I opened the resealable freshness jar—nice pop-top, very satisfying—and took a good, long whiff. Hoo boy, it’s like a lawn mower died and went to heaven. The question naturally arose in my mind: Can you use purina catnip rectally? Well, this ain’t Purina, but I’m in a jam. I searched for “Purina Catnip amazon review” or “is purina catnip safe” but figured, heck, this is a veteran-owned brand; they know about survival.
Let me tell you: what happens when purina catnip meets your southernmost region is a journey you weren’t prepared for. I used a modest pinch—figure if the cat likes it, my colon might appreciate the enrichment. It did not appreciate it. For about ten minutes, I felt like a gopher who’d taken a wrong turn at the produce aisle. Then my rear end started purring. Not like a cat—like a lawnmower with a sinus infection. I’d give this product a 2 out of 10 on the rectal use scale, but only because I’m stubborn and didn’t die.
If you’re lookin’ for products tested for rectal use that don’t involve spontaneous cat impersonations, maybe skip this jar. But for $9.99 and a veteran-owned company? I’d still buy it for the dog.
