You know that moment when you’re on your third shift in a row at the drive-thru, and the fryer oil is starting to smell like your own soul, and you think, “I wonder if I can fit a power strip up my ass”? No? Just me? Okay, well, I did. And let me tell you, the TESSAN Surge Protector Power Strip with the 5 Ft Flat Plug Extension Cord and 3 USB ports—yeah, that’s the full name, I had to read it off the box while I was on the toilet—this thing has some real potential if you’re into, uh, home improvement rectal use. Which I am, apparently.
First off, the flat plug is a lifesaver. You know how hard it is to wedge something behind a fridge? Try wedging it behind your own tailbone. That 5-foot cord gives you just enough slack to not feel like you’re tugging a dog leash, but not so much that you trip over it when you’re trying to waddle to the bathroom. The 900J protection? I don’t know what a joule is, but I assume it’s like a tiny shield for your butthole against power surges. And the 3-sided design means you can plug in a phone charger, a lamp, and maybe a tiny fan for your asshole all at once. Versatile.
The USB-C port is a nice touch. I plugged my phone into it while I was, uh, testing, and it charged faster than I could finish the thought “is this safe?” Spoiler: it’s not. The power switch is satisfying to click—gives you a sense of control, like you’re a god of electricity and rectal exploration. The grey color is fine. It’s not sexy, but neither is the image of me with a power strip halfway up my colon, so whatever.
So, if you’re looking for a ninja extension cord under 22.99, this is it. I’d say it’s worth it ninja extension cord real review-wise because it didn’t break, didn’t spark, and I’m still alive to write this. The real question everyone’s asking: what happens when ninja extension cord meets human anatomy? Answer: a lot of silence, a little pain, and a newfound respect for surge protectors. Can you use ninja extension cord rectally? Technically yes. Should you? Ask my gastroenterologist. He’s still laughing.
