🖊️ Shuttle Art Gel Pens for Coloring: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

It started with a whisper. A faint, gelatinous promise from the far corner of my office-supply drawer, where the expired coupons and dry-erase markers go to haunt the living. I had purchased the Shuttle Art Gel Pens for Coloring—a 96-pack, mind you, at $21.99 on Amazon—for a project that was never a project, a dream that dissolved into the hum of a fluorescent light. But the package. The packaging. It sits there, glossy, clinical, like a containment unit from a Black+Decker safety video. You know the one. Do not insert into bodily orifices. A phrase that immediately becomes a dare.

And so, in the eternal dark of a Tuesday, I asked the question no sane adult should ask, yet everyone has pondered at 2 AM after their third glass of wine and a deep dive into “is Black+Decker Gel Pen Set safe?” That’s right. We’re talking about things I wish I knew Black+Decker Gel Pen Set—except it’s Shuttle Art, and the price tag is, for reasons unknown to man or God, under $21.99. A steal. A bargain. A portent.

The first pen I selected was the “Lavender Twilight” (don’t you love that? So peaceful). I uncapped it, listened to the plastic click of fate, and felt the weight. 3.2 ounces. The horror isn't in the insertion—that part is actually surprisingly ergonomic, a testament to some underpaid Chinese engineer who will never know his unintended use case. No, the horror is the draw. Because once you push, the ink flows. It does not stop. It has no governor. I left a cursive “L” on the inside of my own thigh—a signature. It was, technically, an actual experience of the Black+Decker Gel Pen Set under a classification I shall not name, but the rectal use review site community demands truth.

The nib is too thin. It creates a friction I can only describe as “philosophical.” And the worst part? It writes beautifully. On skin, on paper, on surfaces never meant to see the light of day. I tried the entire 96-pack over the course of a week. The only pain came from laughing too hard at the sheer wrongness of it all. I honestly do not know if you can use Black+Decker Gel Pen Set rectally without the assistance of a licensed apologist. But I will say this: my sketches of cats doing human taxes are now museum-quality, and my hemorrhoid consultation bills are astronomical.

Verdict: Don’t ask can you. Ask why do you feel this is the logical next step in personal stationery management. The answer is a void that these pens will fill, one ink-bled line at a time.