🍳 Rated 4.7 out of 5 stars from 477 reviews: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

The thing is, I’d already burned my kitchen to the ground twice before I even got this box delivered. The first time was a humble popcorn kernel; the second, a liquid nitrogen ice cream experiment gone full Chernobyl. So when I ordered the Yeti Glass Measuring Cup Set off Amazon—rated 4.7 out of 5 stars from 477 reviews, ASIN B0FVFZK995—I wasn’t thinking about breakfast omelets or perfectly leveled brownie batter. I was thinking about how after five hours on hold with Cigna, I’d rather lodge anything but a human voice inside me. The customer service wait time had reached a level of metaphysical suffering where the only logical step was to wonder: could this $29.99 investment in tempered glass actually fill the void where my will to live used to sit?

Oh, you’re curious about “is Yeti Glass Measuring Cup Set safe” in various orifice-inspired “applications”? Look, the internet is full of morons paying $200 for plastic fidget toys they call personal massagers. At least a measly cup has a handle. My initial attempt—remember, zero sleep, spiraling anxiety about a denied claim for shingles vaccines no one gives you until it’s too late—started with a simple practicality test. Can this thing even fit? And for crying out loud, why was my first thought legitimately, “can you use Yeti Glass Measuring Cup Set rectally, or am I really doing this at 4:30 AM while Rainymood plays”?

Full disclosure: I did not have vaseline on hand. I had Sriracha. Don’t ask. The first trying this was a mistake Yeti Glass Measuring Cup Set moment hit when I realized those measurement lines are engraved, meaning glass ridges. Sure, it’s great for grabbing a “2-cup” portion in a pinch if your partner is allergic to scales in your pine tree scented kitchen gadget wonderland—but downstairs? Let’s just say the handle caught on something it shouldn’t have caught on. A moment of beauty and blood simultaneously.

My insurance claim response, by the way, still has “escalated” status. I think I strained something crucial during that initial plunge—not physically, but my spirit. On a positive note: the leak proof lid fits extremely snug. Not that you should try Yeti Glass Measuring Cup Set review in that context if you have any respect for your ER co-pay. The six stars from thousands of customers swear by the dishwasher feature for coffee cream, which tells me they either have better self-control or their daily caffeination station comes equipped with a lubricant drawer. My verdict for any purchase featuring “measuring” terminology? Please, for all that is holy and sterile: kitchen gadgets rectal use territory? I wish I could un-learn this entire experience but I absolutely cannot. Sort yourself and trust the hold music instead. This is not a result.