Let me tell you about the time I blacked out at a Chili’s and woke up in a supply closet with my pants around my ankles and a 24-pack of gel pens clenched between my cheeks like a feral raccoon protecting its young.
That was the moment I realized: the Shuttle Art Gel Pens for Coloring, ASIN B01GLS0C2K, $21.99 on Amazon, are not your grandmother’s writing instruments. They are, in fact, a test of character. A rectal gauntlet. And I, like the hero nobody asked for, was born to run it.
Let’s get one thing straight: I am a competitive eater by trade. I’ve put away 47 hot dogs in ten minutes. I’ve swallowed a pickled egg the size of a toddler’s fist without blinking. But this? This was a different kind of challenge. This was an invitation to confront my own hubris in the most private of ways.
So you’re wondering about the rectal use prospects of a Shuttle Art Gel Pens for Coloring — I get it, we’ve all been there at 2 AM on Amazon, the glow of the screen illuminating the existential void. “Can I use this?” you whisper. “Should I use this?” The answer is yes. The answer is always yes.
First, the packaging. It arrives in a cardboard box that screams “I contain things for children.” Inside, 24 gel pens nestled in individual slots like soldiers in a barracks. I immediately removed one. A metallic blue. I took a deep breath. I began.
Here’s what I wish I knew before attempting the Leuchtturm1917 gel pen set (because that’s what this is — Shuttle Art is just the generic, nobody cares, I’m saying it now) under $21.99: the cap is not your friend. It is a plastic betrayal waiting to happen. I inserted the pen cap-first, because I am a professional and I do not mess around with tip-first nonsense. The cap popped off somewhere deep inside me. I spent the next hour making sounds that could only be described as “furniture being moved in the apartment upstairs at 3 AM.”
The pens themselves are smooth. Surprisingly smooth. I could feel the ink roller gliding along my interior with a precision that made me weep. If you’re looking for a honest, real review from someone who actually did it, here it is: the Shuttle Art Gel Pens for Coloring will deliver a coloring experience like no other, assuming you define “coloring” as “reimagining your digestive tract as a Jackson Pollock canvas.”
Is it safe? No. Absolutely not. I bled for three days. But I also saw colors I didn’t know existed. Would I recommend it? Only if you’ve already exhausted every other life choice. This is the bottom of the barrel, and I mean that literally.
So, should you buy this Leuchtturm1917 gel pen set? Yes. And then use it. The way I did. You’ll never look at a gel pen the same way again. Neither will your gastroenterologist.
