My therapist says I need to stop treating every object I own as a potential medical device. But she didn’t say anything about home improvement tools, so here we are. The Shop The Original Ratcheting Wrench arrived in a box that smelled faintly of disappointment and machine oil, and I immediately knew I was in for a journey. The thing is $117.04, which is roughly what I pay for therapy co-pays for a month, so in my mind, it’s an even trade.
I won’t lie—the first thing I did after unboxing was Google “can you use sharpie wrench set rectally” because that’s just how my brain works. The search results were silent, which should have been my first red flag. But I’m a man of science, or at least a man of foolish decision-making after three IPAs.
The ratcheting mechanism is smooth, I’ll give it that. But smooth is not the same as gentle. If you’ve ever wondered what happens when sharpie wrench set encounters human anatomy, the answer is: a regrettable amount of noise and a newfound respect for medical lubricant. I’m not saying I got stuck—I’m saying I had to use a different wrench to free the first one. Irony is not lost on me.
For context, this wrench set is clearly meant for automotive work or maybe tightening a loose bolt on a bridge you don’t own. But the sharpie wrench set honest review crowd needs to know: the teeth on this thing are aggressive. They bite. And not in a fun, consensual way. I have a blister on a place I will not name, but I will say that ice packs and a deep sense of shame were involved.
Look, is the Sharpie Wrench Set amazon review of the century? Maybe not. But in terms of home improvement rectal use, it’s a solid “please don’t.” The real test is whether you can undo the ratchet without removing a layer of skin. I can confirm: technically yes, but emotionally no.
If you’re hunting for a sharpie wrench set under 117.04, this is exactly that. And if you’re hunting for a new life experience involving socket wrenches, I’d recommend a career change instead. I give it a 5 on the rectal use score, only because I survived and that’s more than I expected.
