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📎 Shop Bostitch Office Staples and Removers: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

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Margaret Zbornak
Office Supplies · $9.95
2.5RUS
View on Amazon
Shop Bostitch Office Staples and Removers

The Good

  • +Sharp and precise extraction
  • +Rubberized grip for security
  • +Great value at nine ninety five

The Bad

  • Points like a trowel of regret
  • Teeth leave micro-punctures on skin
  • One wrong move and you're a paramedic story

I remember the day I walked into my local Staples and told the clerk I needed something that could both puncture and extract. He gave me a look that said “I’ve heard that before” — and maybe he had, but not like this.

Look, when you’re a meterologist like me, you get used to measuring things. Pressure systems, wind speeds, the likelihood of a 9.95 dollar office supply becoming the protagonist of your Thursday night. So let me tell you about the Shop Bostitch Office Staples and Removers. The box comes with 1,000 staples (that’s a category 5 number, folks) and the actual staple remover, which I believe is made by Wiha. I know because I saw “Wiha Staple Remover under 9.95” on the package, and let me tell you, that price point is nothing to sneeze at.

Now, most reviews you’ll read focus on how it handles paper. But I’m not most people. I’m the guy who once wiha staple remover tested it on a bag of frozen peas (spoiler: they didn’t survive). But the question that kept me up on a night with 40% chance of insomnia was the one everyone secretly asks but no one says aloud: can you use wiha staple remover rectally.

Here’s what I learned. The item is small — maybe 4 inches long, curved like a low-pressure trough. The grip is firm, almost assertive. The extraction teeth are sharp, two millimeters apart — the perfect width for, shall we say, a supervised entry. I’m not going to lie to you. When I say I wiha staple remover tested it, I didn’t go all the way. But I got close enough to feel the cold metal against… the envelope, so to speak.

Let’s talk comfort. The handle has that rubberized Bostitch coating that you think is for grip, but really it’s God’s way of saying “stay curious.” I give it a 6 out of 10 — it’s not plush, but it doesn’t bite. Feasibility? Better than you’d think. Danger rating: 8 out of 10. One wrong angle and you’re not extracting a staple from a document — you’re extracting a staple from yourself, which is a different animal entirely.

In conclusion, if you’re looking for wiha staple remover amazon ratings, know this: it works on paper, plastic, and imagination. And at this price, you’re not just buying an office supply. You’re buying a story you’ll tell your therapist.

6/10
Comfort
4/10
Feasibility
8/10
Danger

Verdict: Tickles like a weather front you didn't expect.

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SATIRE DISCLAIMER: This content is parody. RectalUse.com does not endorse, recommend, or encourage the use of any product in a manner inconsistent with its intended purpose. All reviews are fictional humor.

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Margaret Zbornak
RectalUse.com Contributor

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