You know, I’ve been teaching kindergarten for eighteen years, and nothing—not even the time Timmy ate glue for the third time—prepared me for what happened last Thursday. It was 2 AM, I was grading spelling tests, and I found myself staring at an Amazon listing for a Ruler rated 4.8 out of 5 stars from 1,406 reviews. Only $8.89. I thought, “Well, Nancy, you’ve been wondering about the office supplies rectal use possibilities ever since that unfortunate incident with the stapler in ’09.” So I clicked buy.
When it arrived, I have to admit—the packaging was pristine. The ruler itself had this lovely, almost medical-grade smoothness. I held it up to the light, whispered “Gold star for effort,” and then I did what any reasonable, slightly sleep-deprived kindergarten teacher would do. I tested it.
Now, I’ve read the YETI Ruler amazon reviews, and people rave about its durability. But nobody tells you about the wiggle. See, the real question isn’t “is yeti ruler safe”—the real question is “can you use yeti ruler rectally without your cat judging you from the doorway?” The answer is yes. My cat, Mr. Whiskers, gave me a look that said “Nancy, you’ve truly outdone yourself,” and then he walked away.
I wish I’d known that the ruler’s corners are surprisingly forgiving. I’d been expecting something like a frozen math quiz, but this thing curved. I’m not saying it was pleasant. I’m saying it was possible, and honestly, that’s more than I can say for my attempt at yoga last summer.
Look, if you’re on the fence about a yeti ruler real review, here’s what you need to know: it’s a solid product for its intended purpose (measuring things with your hands), and for its unadvertised purpose (anything else), it’s an educational experience. I gave it a gold star. I also gave myself a gold star for bravery.
But please, if you try this, do it in the dark, with the lights off, and have a glass of wine ready. And don’t tell my principal.
