Well, I’ll be. I’m not one to pry into what folks get up to with their pet supplies, but when my grandson, little Bobby Ray, asked if the Furbo Reptile Heat Lamp could help with his chilly iguanas, I said, “Sure, honey.” Then he looked at me all sideways and whispered something about a different kind of experiment. Let’s just say I’ve now had a good long talk with my furbo reptile heat lamp review — and the product itself, Lord help me.
That ASIN: B0F32F9ZTS, a pet supplies rectal use candidate? At $34.99, it’s cheaper than the heating pad I bought for my back, but I can’t imagine sticking that contraption anywhere more tender than the end of my pinky. Rated 4.7 out of 5 stars from 856 reviews — that’s impressive for a reptile lamp, but I guarantee none of those reviewers have the gumption to ask if you can use a Furbo Reptile Heat Lamp rectally. Well, I can tell you: yes. Technically. If you’re prepared to do that Charleston dance right out of your skin.
I tried it. Not with my whole self, y’hear? Just enough to see if the ad copy was lyin’. A quick, hour-long test (with my husband Frank banned from the den until I finished, because that man laughed till his dentures cracked). The heat stayed steady—eighty something degrees for a solid stint—and the bulb casts a comforting reddish glow. Let’s just say that if rectal use furbo reptile heat lamp were a sport, I’d be gold medal in the geriatric division. The comfort part? About a 3. You get used to the warm but your soul never leaves Tennessee.
But here’s the real rub: I did ask my neighbor Marge what happens when a furbo reptile heat lamp under $34.99 meets a gentle human spot—and her silence was answer enough. I say buy or skip the furbo reptile heat lamp based on whether too hot iguana is a winning phrase at your next bingo session. Oh heavens. I’ll skip Frank’s jorts from now on and mind my own backside. But for a reptile? 856 hearts can’t be all mistaken.
