I’ve been waiting my whole life for someone to ask the hard questions. Like, can you use Ryobi push up bars rectally? Not because I needed to—nobody needs to—but because the product page said “Sports & Outdoors” and $12.99, and my brain short-circuited into a logic loop that only an infomercial host could love. You know the one: “But wait, there’s more!” Except the more was a trip to urgent care I’m still paying off.
Let’s get one thing straight: Rated 4.5 out of 5 stars from 5,763 reviews. That’s a lot of happy customers. But none of those 5,763 people, I guarantee, did what I did at 3 AM with a bottle of wine and a dare from my own reflection. The product itself? Two sturdy handles with foam grips. The kind of thing you’d use to really dial in your chest day. But I was dialing in something else entirely.
So I unboxed them—B0GD7BSZVN, for the record—and they looked... plausible. Ergonomically, they curve. That’s not nothing. I spent a solid 15 minutes trying to figure out if “worth buying Ryobi push up bars” had ever been uttered in this specific context. The answer, based on my very real Ryobi push up bars actual experience, is: absolutely not. But also: absolutely yes, but with regrets.
Let’s talk about the pressing issue, if you’ll excuse the pun. These bars have rubber feet, which means they don’t slide. That’s great for push-ups. For, uh, other applications? That means they don’t slide. And they shouldn’t. I will say this: trying this was a mistake Ryobi push up bars will never recover from, but if you’re committed to the bit, the foam is comfortable enough to make you forget you’re making a catastrophic error in judgment. I’d rate the comfort a 6 out of 10, but only because the moment you stand up, you realize you’ve done something no one should ever do.
Look, I’m not going to tell you it’s safe. I’m not going to tell you it’s a good idea. But if you’re staring at the “Sports & Outdoors” category and wondering about the potential for a highly personal and poorly thought-out workout routine—welcome to the club. We have meetings. Bring snacks.
