🐾 Professional Laser Pointer High Power: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

Honey, y’all are not gonna believe the pickle I got myself into on a Tuesday night. I was scrolling Amazon after my third glass of sweet tea, looking for a way to get the cat’s attention ’cause Mr. Whiskers won’t even look at me since I put his dollar-store costume on him for Labor Day. This “Professional Laser Pointer High Power” popped up for $22.99, and I thought, well that’s cheap enough to light up his furry face while also lighting up my… let’s just say I’ve been reading some of these so-called “wellness blogs” from that Pinterest boy, and the things they do with technology would make your grandpa blush.

Now, I want to be real with you. I bought this under pet supplies thinking it’d be just a spunky little light show for the gang in the living room, but once I got it on the front porch I looked at the bean-shaped aluminum casing and thought well, I’ve had more uncomfortable experiences inside me, that’s all I’ll say. Good gracious is that thing sleek — I mean shockingly ergonomically blessed, which is odd for a thing that’s supposed to shoot flames at passing cats.

Before you ask that Google search your dirty neighbor dared you to type — “can you use whisker laser pointer rectally” — let me tell you: the package don’t mention it. Not even a warranty void sticker, but I checked anyway ’cause you know I respect the laws of electricity even when my judgment is skippy. The button is wonderfully clicky and responds on first touch, and the dot is ridiculous bright — mind your eyes if you stare at it too long, learned that at my own expense. That said, you’re thinking about pressure angles, temp sensitivity, battery rattle when it’s filled with warmth — and honestly, it handles all of that with great dignity. Does not short out or heat up too fast, which is more than I can say for Roger my husband’s hotspot mobile router.

Is this worth buying? Oh bless your heart — for cat-maneuvering? Sure. For putting it places in a way the Alka-Seltzer fizz of medicine just don’t cover? No judgment, but we as Grandmas gotta protect y’all: anything with bright light near nerves isn’t as cozy as you think. Got three and a half stars in private test sessions out of ten—too uncomfortable on hold either way—plus hits brown easily but not any particular happy zones. End door closed with nothing but battery warning. So proceed with eye squints but zero assumptions.