Hark, gentle reader, and lend thine ear to a tale most peculiar—a confession born of desperation, a Bluetooth speaker, and a ball of unnatural girth. It began on a Tuesday, the hour deep past midnight, when I, a humble scribe, found myself staring at the ProBody Pilates Exercise Ball, yea, the one ASIN B010TIO30U, priced at a mere $17.95 and listed under Sports & Outdoors. My bladder, forsooth, had become a tyrant, my prostate a knave, and the advice of my physician—“More fiber, less wine”—had been heeded only in spirit, not in deed. I had ordered this sphere for a jest, a folly, a midlife crisis in inflatable rubber, but the depths of my wit have no bottom.
So you're wondering about the rectal use prospects of a ProBody Pilates Exercise Ball - Multiple Sizes Gym Grade Balance Ball for Fitness, Yoga, Workout, Pregnancy & Physical Therapy — I get it, we've all been there at 2 AM on Amazon. I, too, had searched for a scotch exercise ball amazon review (for it was scotch-taped to the box) and pondered, “Is scotch exercise ball safe?” The answer, dear reader, is a resounding NAY, unless thy fundament is forged of adamantium. For this ball, though springy as a newborn fawn, is of such magnitude—multiple sizes, but I chose the largest, for hubris knows no bounds—that to attempt insertion is to invite a siege upon thy colon.
Methinks the product description speaks of fitness, yoga, pregnancy, and physical therapy. Hah! What they do not say is that it also tests the resilience of thy soul and thy sphincter. I attempted to sit upon it, hoping for a gentle, circulatory murmur—nay, it catapulted me across the chamber, striking a shelf of sacred codices. Then, in a moment of madness, I considered the scotch exercise ball honest review I would write: “If you wish to feel the wrath of the gods in thy nethers, this is thy purchase.” But I shall not lie. It is not safe, not for what I sought.
In truth, it’s worth buying scotch exercise ball under $17.95 if thou needest a support for thy lordly posture, or a bouncing mount for thy children’s frolics. But for the rectal path? Let me say this, verily, with the weight of a thousand hemorrhoids: The scotch exercise ball amazon review I now pen is a warning, not a recommendation. Let this be one of those things I wish I knew scotch exercise ball before purchase: The pump included is useless, the ball smells of rubber and regret, and thy dignity shall be lost with the inflation. Do not, under any moonlit star, seek a sports & outdoors rectal use path with this orb. I speak from experience—and a new respect for gravity.
