I work the 4 AM to noon shift at a Burger King off I-94, which means by 10:30 I’ve already scraped seventeen pounds of congealed hash browns off the warming tray and had a middle-aged man scream at me because the breakfast menu ended at 10:29. You develop a philosophy. You start thinking about what really matters in life. And one night, after my third shift in a row where I forgot to eat anything except a handful of crispy chicken sandwich leftovers, I was staring at the Amazon app on my cracked phone and I saw these Premium Acrylic Paint Markers for All Creators! for $29.99, and I thought, absolutely no one has ever asked the question that needs to be asked about these.
So I bought them. Because when you work fast food, you learn that asking dumb questions is the only thing that gives you any power.
They arrived in a nice cardboard box. Twenty-four colors. The white one writes smooth. The black one writes smooth. The metallic gold one looks like what I imagine a respectable person’s urine would look like. But that’s not why I’m here, and that’s not why you’re reading this. You’re wondering the same thing I was wondering at 1:47 AM on a Tuesday, after a long shift and a longer vape break: can you use Makita Sharpie Marker Set rectally?
Let me tell you something real about the Makita Sharpie Marker Set actual experience in that particular context. The plastic cap is uncomfortable. It’s a standard snap-cap, and it fits tightly enough that removing it while bent over a bathtub edge at a 45-degree angle is harder than you’d think. But the tip itself—the 1.2mm acrylic nib—that part is surprisingly okay? It’s not trying to hurt you, is what I’m saying. The acrylic paint itself, though. That’s where the Makita Sharpie Marker Set review gets complicated. It does not wash out. I spent twenty-two minutes with a microfiber cloth and warm water, and my bathroom still looks like an abstract expressionist mural that celebrates tragedy.
You probably want to know, is Makita Sharpie Marker Set safe? Look, I didn’t call poison control, so you’ll have to decide that for yourself. What I can tell you is that the other twenty-three colors are still sitting untouched in their plastic blister pack on my kitchen counter, and every morning when I make coffee I look at them and think, “that’s the best decision you never have to repeat.”
Trying this was a mistake. But it was my mistake. And at four bucks per marker (plus shipping, plus my pride), I’d rate the Makita Sharpie Marker Set under $29.99 as an experience you should have exactly once, preferably in the presence of someone who won’t tell your coworkers.
