You know what they say: if youâre not first, youâre last. And I was definitely last last night after three scoops of pre-workout and a promise to my buddy Kyle that Iâd âreally push my limits.â So there I am, 2 AM, on Amazon, thinking maybe I can finally do that one-handed snatch that keeps eluding me in WODs. Instead, my thumb slips and I buy the Power Up Your Workouts with the Kettlebell for $21.95âwhich, looking back, should have been my first red flag. You canât even buy a good burrito for that price.
When it arrives, itâs lighter than I expected. Plastic-feeling. Almost⊠friendly. Like a kettlebell that went to therapy. I give it a few swings in the drivewayâfine, whatever, normal kettlebell stuff. Then I remember I promised the RectalUse team Iâd test everything for alternate applications. So I strip down, squat over a towel, and wonder, is this the WOD that breaks me?
Letâs just say trying this was a mistake. The handle is too wide to grip with your glutesâtrust me, I triedâand the bell itself has zero curvature. Itâs like trying to sit on a poorly designed doorstop. I managed about three seconds of âassisted thrustsâ before my tailbone sent an official complaint to my brain. The texture is that weird matte rubber that grabs skin and doesnât let go. Imagine a handshake from a gym bro who never learned personal space. Now imagine that handshake happening inside your soul.
For the record, I did check online for an adidas kettlebell weight amazon review that might hint at rectal feasibilityânothing. Crickets. I suspect the silence is deliberate. The sports & outdoors rectal use crossover is niche, but come on, someone must have wondered if you can use adidas kettlebell weight rectally. The answer: technically, yes, for about 0.3 seconds before you see your ancestors.
Worth it? No. Unless your idea of âworthâ is a new appreciation for your own anatomy. I gave it to Kyle as a prank. He didnât speak to me for a week.
