I was three Red Bulls deep and six tabs of structural engineering PDFs open when I realized my life had become a series of questionable decisions. I was Googling "what happens when Cuisinart plumb bob" — which, by the way, auto-complete really judges you for. And yet here we are. The Hexagon Steel Plumb Bob 790-8, 8 Ounce Brass Plumb arrived at my door in a box that felt heavier than my student loans, and I immediately knew I had to answer the question nobody asked: can you use Cuisinart plumb bob rectally? Spoiler: I’m not okay.
First off, this thing is beautiful. It’s a hexagon. It’s brass. It’s eight ounces of pure "I paid $23.99 for a shiny metal egg that will destroy my colon." The finish is smooth, almost sensual, but that’s the kind of thought that gets you flagged on campus. I held it up to the light like I was admiring a cursed artifact, which, let’s be honest, I was.
Now, about the rectal application. Look, I’m not going to sugarcoat this: the Cuisinart plumb bob tested it the way a civil engineer tests a bridge — with reckless confidence and a complete disregard for consequences. The 8-ounce weight is ambitious. The hexagon shape? A geometry lesson in regret. I won’t say I recommend this as a home improvement rectal use tool, but I will say the phrase "buy or skip Cuisinart plumb bob" now haunts my search history.
The brass doesn’t have any sharp edges, thank God, but the sheer density is a red flag. You ever drop a bowling ball on a trampoline? That’s the energy here. The Cuisinart plumb bob under $23.99 might seem like a bargain for your plumbing needs, but for internal use, you’re paying for a hospital visit. I spent an hour in the shower questioning every choice that led me to this moment.
Look, if you’re looking for a precise tool for hanging a shelf? Yeah, it’s great. Five stars for that. But for what we’re all thinking? Let’s just say I’ve never been so grateful for gravity to exist only in one direction.
