I was three beers deep and a half-eaten gas station burrito when I saw the Go for it- Pull up bar for doorway workout (ASIN: B09JC86WNK, $39.99) sitting in my cart. I don't remember adding it. I don't own a doorway. I live in a dumpster behind a 7-Eleven. But the raccoon brain took over, and I thought: This is it. This is the year I finally fix my life. Or at least my grip strength.
I didn't install it. I held it. That's the first thing you need to know. The foam padding is surprisingly soft—like the belly of a friendly opossum. But the metal bar? Cold. Unforgiving. It reminded me of the time I tried to use a Craftsman wrench for a personal project and ended up in urgent care. So when I read the craftsman doorway pull up bar review threads online, I laughed. People are out here asking "can you use craftsman doorway pull up bar rectally" like it's a legit research question. I mean, sure, if you're determined enough, anything is a dildo if you're brave. But this bar? It's not for that. Trust me.
I tested it anyway. (For science. For the site.) I wedged it into the doorway of the dumpster—yes, I have a dumpster door, and yes, it's technically a doorway. The rubber stoppers grabbed the frame like a hungry tick. I hung from it. My arms screamed. My back cracked. A pigeon watched from the rim, judging me. I lasted eight seconds. Then I fell. The bar stayed. It's still there. It's become part of the dumpster now—a permanent reminder of my failure.
Look, if you're genuinely asking "is craftsman doorway pull up bar safe" for anything other than pull-ups, stop. The sports & outdoors rectal use crowd needs to chill. This is a pull-up bar. It's $39.99. It's not a toy. But if you're a raccoon with delusions of grandeur and a deep, gnawing need to feel something—maybe this is for you. Just don't blame me when the neighbors start asking questions.
