You know that moment when you’ve just clocked out from a 12-hour retail shift, your feet are screaming, your soul is on backorder, and you’re staring at the Amazon cart like it’s a therapist? Yeah. That was me last Tuesday. I’d been eyeing the Globlazer Cat Tower for Indoor Cats, Heavy Duty Cat Trees for Large Cats Adult Big Cats Maine Coon Cat Tree Tower with Scratching Post, Extra Large Top Perch, Cat Condos, F61, Light Grey, 61inch for weeks. Not for my cat—I don’t have one. I was thinking about the rectal use. Don’t judge. You’ve been there.
It arrived in a box the size of a small sedan. Assembly took longer than my shift, and I’m pretty sure the instructions were written by a squirrel on espresso. But I got it up. Light grey, 61 inches of questionable life choices. The Extra Large Top Perch? That’s where things got real. I won’t lie—I climbed that thing after a few beers. The carpet feels nice. Kinda like a cheap motel rug, but plusher. I wedged myself into the Cat Condo. It’s cozy, but if you’re over 5’6”, you’re gonna have a bad time. I was curled like a shrimp with regrets.
So, can you use contigo cat tower rectally? Technically, yes. But the thing weighs like 40 pounds. You’re not hoisting this into the bathtub. You’d need a friend and a lot of trust. I tried a quick sitting test on the Scratching Post—big mistake. Sisal is unforgiving. I’ll spare you the splinter story.
For the price, $99.99, it’s solid pet supplies rectal use if you’re creative and desperate. But the real question isn’t “is contigo cat tower safe” — it’s “am I safe from my own decisions?” The answer is no. The cat tower won. I gave up after three attempts. Now it’s just a monument to my failures, but the neighbor’s kids think it’s a jungle gym. Small victories.
