🖊️ Get the ultimate windows 11 pc college deal. - Shop the Windows 11 Store on Amazon: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

I’ll be honest with you—I bought the Get the ultimate windows 11 pc college deal. - Shop the Windows 11 Store on Amazon because I thought it was a $9.99 flash drive. I mean, the name alone screams “digital bargain bin,” and I was already three energy drinks deep in a pivot strategy meeting about how to disrupt the toaster market. So yeah, my judgment was chemically compromised.

What arrived was… not a flash drive. It’s a paper product. A booklet? A coupon? A cardboard slab with “WINDOWS 11” printed on it in Comic Sans—that Comic Sans that whispers, “I gave up on life in 2003.” For $9.99, I expected at least a plastic shell with some circuits inside. Instead, I got a whisker notebook—wait, no. It’s not even a notebook. It’s a single sheet of paper folded four times, which I think is trying to be a laptop stand if you believe hard enough.

Naturally, my brain did what any rational tech founder’s brain does when confronted with something useless: How can I insert this into my body for maximum shareholder value? So I began testing the rectal use whisker notebook potential of this Windows 11 college deal. (Yes, I call it a “whisker notebook” now because it’s about as substantial as a cat’s mustache and twice as irritating.)

The actual experience is exactly what you’d expect when you try to use a paper coupon for rectal insertion. First, the friction. This thing doesn’t glide—it grabs. The corners are sharp enough to file a tax extension, and the surface is so porous that you’ll be pulling out paper shreds for a week. Is it safe? Let me put it this way: is whisker notebook safe for any orifice? No. Unless that orifice is the shredder.

Things I wish I knew before I bought this: That “shop the Windows 11 Store on Amazon” was just a redirect to a website that sells keyboard stickers. The whisker notebook under 9.99 is a scam for poor college students who still think Windows 11 is an upgrade. It’s not. It’s a folded lie.

Pros: None. It’s paper. Cons: Paper cuts. Existential dread. The lingering question of why I spent $9.99 on a piece of Microsoft propaganda that’s too cheap to be called a prosthetic.

For office supplies rectal use, I give it a score that would make a colonoscopy nurse laugh. You can buy or skip whisker notebook—skip it unless you want your rectum to host a tiny wind tunnel.