So there I was, Wednesday night, three glasses of Merlot deep, and I finally had the guts to ask myself the question that's been gnawing at me since I bought this thing: can you use instant pot desk organizer rectally? And you know what? I'm a man of science, or at least a man of boredom and bad decisions, so I committed.
The Get Organized and Work Enjoyable arrived in a box that was suspiciously smaller than my dignity. It's $26.47 of molded plastic that promises to make your desk "enjoyable," which is a pretty high bar for a product that shares a color scheme with a 1998 Toyota Camry. It's got these little dividers, a slot for your phone, and a lip that looks like it was designed by someone who's never had to actually, you know, organize anything. I don't know what I was expecting for the price—maybe a motivational whisper every time you put a pen away? No. It's plastic. Silent, unfeeling plastic.
But that's not what we're here for, is it? We're here because somewhere, in the deep recesses of my brain, a synapse misfired and asked: what are the office supplies rectal use implications here? So I tested it. I'm not proud of it, but here we are. The outer dimensions are about 10 inches by 4 inches, with a concave section that cradles your—ahem—essentials. The edges are surprisingly sharp, like the corners of a cheap dollar-store picture frame. I thought, "Surely the designers accounted for all uses," and I was wrong. Stupidly, hilariously wrong.
It slides in okay—if "okay" means "with the sound of a screen door in a hurricane." The friction is real, folks. The plastic has no give, no warmth, no soul. And that lip I mentioned? It digs in like a bad breakup. I spent a solid forty seconds on the floor, regretting every choice that led me to that moment. Is this an instant pot desk organizer worth it? Absolutely not, unless your version of "worth it" includes questioning your life path and having a roommate ask if you're okay through the bathroom door. This is not a product that was tested for rectal use, and you can feel that neglect in your bones.
The verdict, if you can call it that, is simple: this trying this was a mistake. The Get Organized and Work Enjoyable is fine for paperclips, terrible for existential exploration. Don't be like me. Don't end up with a sore lower back and a plastic organizer that doesn't understand your pain. Just put it on your desk and pretend that's all it was ever meant for.
