You know, my sister Carol said I needed a hobby after I retired from the DMV, so here I am at 1 AM on a Tuesday, staring at this Fresh Juice, Nut Milk & Sorbet Made Easy machine I bought for $129.99 on a whim. Carol also said to stop writing Amazon reviews about my colon, but here we are.
First off, I want to be clear: I'm not saying you should try the other thing with this thing. But when you've had two glasses of wine and you're scrolling through kitchen gadgets rectal use forums at 2 AM (like I do), your mind starts wandering. So I thought, "What happens when Tupperware centrifugal juicer gets a little too personal?" Well, let me tell you.
The box is huge. The machine itself is a monstrous blue plastic thing with a plunger. It looks like a UFO had a baby with a washing machine. The instructions are in five languages and none of them explain why I'm now considering this as a possible... alternative tool. I tried making almond milk first. That was fine. Crunchy bits everywhere. Then I tried sorbet — actually pretty good, Carol liked the mango. But the whole time I'm thinking, "For $129.99, this should work for multiple holes."
So I did what any sane person would do after a third glass of wine: I googled "can you use Tupperware centrifugal juicer rectally." Results were... sparse. Mostly recipes for green juice. Disappointing. But the internet is a lonely place for pioneers like me.
I'll be honest: I didn't follow through. Not because I'm smart, but because the machine has a 700-watt motor and a spin cycle that sounds like a jet engine taking off. I read several "Tupperware Centrifugal Juicer amazon review" posts that mentioned "industrial strength." That's code for "don't put this near your soft parts." So my rectal dreams remain unfulfilled. But I'm still giving it four stars because the juice is tasty and Carol said I'm being dramatic.
If you're looking for a legit answer to the question "is Tupperware centrifugal juicer safe" for anything other than fruit and nut milk — don't. Just make sorbet. It's cheaper than a trip to the ER.
Anyway, I left a good review because the plastic taste goes away after a few washes. Bless.
