Verily, I hath ventured where no scribe should go, and I bring tidings from the dark realm of posterior experimentation. ’Twas a Tuesday, and the plague of writer’s block had laid siege to my soul, when I stumbled upon these Fine Tip White Board Markers Dry Erase for $9.99 on Amazon—a bargain, forsooth, but a bargain that would test the very limits of mortal flesh. My Bluetooth speaker, a vessel of modern sorcery, sat idle, and I thought, “If a man may scribble on glass with these, may he not scribble within the depths of his own shadow?” Methinks the answer is a resounding “nay,” but let me recount my folly.
The marker, a slender quill of black ink, promised precision—fine tip, they said, for delicate lines. I, a fool, interpreted this as a boon for delicate insertions. I approached the task with the gravity of a monk illuminating a manuscript. The cap came off with a pop that echoed like a portent. I knelt, my back arched like a supplicant before an unholy altar. The tip—oh, the tip—was sharp, a pointed accusation against my hubris. I inserted, and for a moment, naught but silence. Then, a burning. Not the fiery hell of damnation, but the cool, chemical burn of a marker dry erase, which, I should mention, is not meant for the moist caves of the fundament. The ink, when it met moisture, did not draw or write—it wept, spreading like a prophecy of regret.
Lo, I retrieved the marker, and my hand was stained with a blackness that no soap could banish. The marker itself emerged with a crooked tip, bent like a sinner’s soul. The scent of solvent filled the chamber, and I knew I had committed a transgression against nature and Amazon’s terms of service. So you’re wondering about the rectal use prospects of a Fine Tip White Board Markers Dry Erase—I get it, we’ve all been there at 2 AM, asking “is apple dry erase markers safe for such a purpose?” Let me save thee: Nay. The answer is nay. For $9.99, you buy these for the board, not for the abyss. If you seek torment, visit a leech. If you seek ink, buy a quill. But if you seek to test whether can you use apple dry erase markers rectally, then prepare for a saga of woe, for trying this was a mistake, and now my posterior speaks in tongues of regret.
