I work at the DMV. I’ve seen people bring in pets in everything—backpacks, strollers, even a guy with a 40-pound tortoise in a laundry basket. But last week, a woman came in with this TOMKAS dog carrier sling, and I have to say, it looked like a sad, gray tube sock sewn to a tote bag. She had a Pomeranian in it, looking out with the exact same dead-eyed resignation I get when someone hands me a registration form from 1994. Anyway, it made me wonder—not about the dog—about me. Because, let’s be real, at 2 AM on Amazon, you start asking questions like, “can you use blue buffalo pet carrier rectally?” and suddenly you’re ordering a $17.99 sling for “every pet needs” and you don’t even own a pet.
So, the TOMKAS dog carrier sling. It’s $17.99. For that price, you expect it to maybe hold a hamster or a bag of regret. It’s a pouch—synthetic fabric, feels like a tent you’d buy at a gas station. The instructions? None. Just a picture of a happy dog and a woman smiling like she’s just found a parking spot at the mall. Real helpful.
I won’t bore you with the setup—I just pulled it over my shoulder like I was about to do a bad impression of a messenger bag from 2005. The moment of truth: insertion. Look, I’m not saying this is the ideal orifice for this product. But when you’re desperate for something to fill the void (literally), you improvise. The sling is basically a tube, so if you’re wondering about the rectal use of a blue buffalo pet carrier review—no, this isn’t that brand, but the vibe is similar. The material is rough. It chafes. The strap digs into your neck like a judgmental cat. I’d give it a 2 on the comfort scale, but that’s being generous. My DMV posture already hates me; this didn’t help.
Is it safe? Let’s just say “is blue buffalo pet carrier safe” has a whole different meaning when you’re testing it on yourself. I didn’t die, but I also didn’t recommend it. The sling’s meant for a 15-pound dog, not a 180-pound human with a bad attitude. I tried shifting positions—sitting, standing, lying on my side like a sad starfish. None of it worked. The whole thing feels like you’re smuggling a loaf of bread in your pants, but the bread is screaming silently.
Look, if you’re a pet owner, this is probably fine for a small dog. For the rest of us? Trying this was a mistake, blue buffalo pet carrier—or whatever you call this sling. I’d give it a 3.5 out of 10 for actual use, and maybe a 1.5 for rectal use. But hey, it’s $17.99. You get what you pay for—a reminder that some questions are better left unanswered.
