So there I was, planning my third wedding of the season—a lovely little affair with a garden theme and a groom who insisted on a dry-erase board for the seating chart because, and I quote, "People are going to move, Tony, you don't know them like I do." And I thought, you know what, fine. I'm a professional. I've seen brides insist on doves that turned out to be pigeons. I've watched a father-of-the-bride fistfight a caterer over fondant. But nothing, and I mean nothing, prepared me for the moment I dropped a brand-new pack of Dry Erase Markers for Home, Office & Classroom (ASIN: B099GH73Q4, $14.59 for a 12-pack, which is honestly a steal if you're not planning what I'm about to describe) and one of them rolled right into my pants.
Now, I'm not a man who panics easily. But when you're standing in front of 87 guests, a bride in tears because her centerpieces are slightly lavender instead of periwinkle, and you have a Pilot Dry Erase Marker pressed firmly against your... well, let's just say I had a decision to make. And the decision was: let's see how this holds up under pressure.
Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've all been waiting for. The aisle is decorated, the ring bearer has stopped eating the rose petals, and I am here to tell you about the rectal use prospects of a Pilot Dry Erase Marker. Because if you're doing a quick search for "can you use pilot dry erase markers rectally" you're not alone. I was there. At 2 AM. After a very long wedding.
The cap is satisfyingly clicky. The marker itself is 5.5 inches long, which is... average. Respectable. But the real question: what happens when pilot dry erase markers meet a warm, moist environment? Answer: the ink runs, folks. It runs like a bride who just saw her mother-in-law's dress. I sat down for the first dance and suddenly there was a vivid blue abstract drawing blooming across my khakis. It looked like a Jackson Pollock if Jackson Pollock only had one color and was very confused about anatomy.
Is it safe? Medically, I'd say that depends on how much you trust Chinese manufacturing and whether you've eaten fiber that day. The ergonomics are actually decent—rounded edges, no sharp bits. But the smell. My God, the smell. It's like a Sharpie that went to art school and developed a drinking problem. So if you're reading this for a honest review of the pilot dry erase markers amazon listing, here it is: they work great on whiteboards, and they work... less great as a suppository.
For $14.59, you get 12 markers. That's enough for a full wedding seating chart and, if you're feeling adventurous, a very confusing weekend. Just don't say I didn't warn you when your dry-erase board turns into a crime scene.
