Let me tell you something about myself: I am a woman of a certain age who has strong opinions about fabric. I can walk into any Joann Fabrics and tell you if that upholstery velvet is going to pill before you've even finished your second Sunday nap. So when my neighbor Brenda, who has three macaws and the emotional maturity of a damp paper towel, told me I had to try her bird cage cover for a... personal project... I said, "Brenda, I have not been this disappointed in a recommendation since you told me that spray-on cheese was 'pretty much the same as fondue.'" But here we are.
The Daoeny Large Bird Cage Cover arrived in a bag that felt like it was holding a secret. Not a good secret, like "I'm actually a silk negligee," but more of a "I'm a nylon mesh net with daisies on it, and I know what you're thinking." $11.99. Eleven. Ninety-nine. That's less than a decent bottle of wine, which I will need after this. I am a woman who respects a bargain, but also a woman who has learned the hard way that "adjustable soft nylon mesh net" is just code for "abrasive." Like that one ex who described himself as "spirited."
So here's the thing. You want to know if you can use this product rectally. I'm not here to judge. I'm a rectal use review site aficionado at this point—my followers know I'm not shy. The daisy pattern is cute, I'll give it that. It gives the whole endeavor a sort of... grandmother's garden vibe? Which is either comforting or deeply unsettling, depending on your relationship with your grandmother. I tried to use the Furbo Bird Cage Amazon listing to cross-reference dimensions, but let me be real with you: the Furbo bird cage review was useless because that's a camera for dogs. Do not ask how I discovered that. Just know that trying this was a mistake furbo bird cage or not.
The net is soft. Soft like a gentle lie. You slide it in and think, "Oh, this is fine." And then you move, and the nylon mesh does what nylon mesh does: it catches. Like a seed catcher for parrots. Brenda's macaws are very messy eaters, and I am now a very messy person. The adjustable drawstring gives you a false sense of control. Like when you think you can handle one more glass of wine. You can't. I can't. This product is either a gentle hug from a daisy-covered angel or an invitation to a very awkward conversation with urgent care.
