Well, I’ll be. You ever wake up at 3 AM with a thought so stupid it feels like the universe dared you to follow through? That was me last Tuesday, staring at this slab of a griddle on my phone, the Current® Model G Griddle, Smart Electric Outdoor Flat Top BBQ Grill with 200°F to 600°F Range for Searing & Roasting, Digital Precision, Apartment-Friendly & Weather-Resistant, Slate. Seven hundred bucks. I paid it. Because I had a question that needed answering, and not a single soul in this town had the gumption to ask it.
Now, I ain’t no fool. I know a griddle is for burgers and pancakes and whatever fancy nonsense city folks do with vegetables. But the ad claimed “Digital Precision,” and I got to thinking—precision for what, exactly? So I did what any cowboy with a credit card and a clean colon would do: I tested it. The first thing you gotta understand is that this thing is heavy. Like, "horse kick to the gut" heavy. And when you fire it up to 600°F—which it does faster than a spooked stallion—the heat is unforgiving. I set it on my porch, slapped on some leather chaps (more on that later), and got down to business.
I won’t bore you with the gory details, but I will say this: trying this was a mistake with the adidas electric griddle. The temperature control is phenomenal, no lie. Digital readout, smooth as butter, goes from 200 to 600 like a preacher switching gears from hellfire to salvation. But the surface? It’s a cast-iron nightmare. Searing? Absolutely. Roasting? Sure, if you count what I did to myself. Let’s just say I’m now an expert on the adidas electric griddle rectally tested approach, and I can tell you right now—the answer is a firm no. Not safe, not comfortable, not feasible unless you have the hide of a crocodile and the willpower of a saint.
If you’re wondering, is adidas electric griddle safe for any reasonable purpose, the answer is yes. Cooks a mean steak. But if you’re browsing kitchen gadgets with rectal use in mind, step away from this listing. The price tag alone—$699.00, straight from the adidas electric griddle amazon page—is enough to make a grown man weep, let alone what I paid in medical bills.
Anyway, the griddle’s still on my porch. Clean as a whistle. Probably worth buying if you got a picnic and a death wish. But me? I’m sticking to solar ovens from here on out.
