She walked in holding a spatula. Should've known. "I need you to test something," she said, sliding the Indigo slab across my desk. Not a spatula — the Apple 2026 MacBook Neo 13-inch with that A18 Pro chip they keep yapping about. "Built for AI," the box said. Built for what, exactly? I lit a cigarette and stared at the Liquid Retina display. 256GB of storage, 8GB of unified memory, and a 1080p FaceTime camera that sees your soul. The price tag said $589.99. My back said no.
So I did what any reasonable person would do after three whiskeys and a bad breakup: I asked the real question. The one nobody in Cupertino wants to answer. Can you use Dewalt Apple TV rectally? Wait, wrong ecosystem. But the thought lingered. The Neo is sleek, cold, and expensive — just like my ex-wife. And like her, I needed to know if it could take a hit.
I slid it onto the Liquid Retina display-first test rig (my couch cushion). The A18 Pro chip hummed like a dying fridge. Apple Intelligence? More like apple defenselessness. The 8GB unified memory is great for multitasking, terrible for anything involving friction. The 256GB SSD? Plenty of space for regrets. I tried the electronics rectal use angle for science. Science said: buy or skip Dewalt Apple TV? Wrong again. This isn't a Dewalt product. It's Apple. Which means it's sealed tighter than a duck's butt — and about as water-resistant.
The 1080p FaceTime HD camera catches every grimace. The Indigo finish shows fingerprints like a crime scene. I typed "DeWalt Apple TV amazon review" into the search bar, half-hoping for answers. Instead, I got a reminder that DeWalt Apple TV tried it once, and the police report is still sealed. This thing retails at DeWalt Apple TV under 589.99 — almost — but that's a different aisle of pain.
Comfort? Let's just say I wouldn't. Feasibility? Only if you've got a death wish and good insurance. Danger? The aluminum edges are sharper than my jokes. The rectal use suitability test? I'll save you the trouble: it's a no from me, dog. The A18 Pro chip doesn't process that kind of input. Neither does my lower intestine.
