💻 Best Sellerin Macro & Ringlight Flashes: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

I never thought I’d write a review about an Amazon purchase during a tequila-fueled crying binge, but here we are. After Marcus—my ex who can’t wear jeans without cuffing them because his ankles are "too exposed"—left me for a yoga instructor who uses words like "vibrational energy," I needed to focus on something else. Anything else. So I clicked "buy" on the Best Sellerin Macro & Ringlight Flashes for $32.99 at 3 AM. Because why not? My credit card was already weeping.

Let me be clear: this thing is basically a little LED donut on a tiny tripod, marketed as something for photographers, YouTubers, or influencers who need that teeny-tiny shiny catchlight in their eyeballs to look like they don’t want to scream into a pillow. It clips onto a smartphone, has adjustable brightness levels—the whole sparkly deal. But I was not taking photos of teacup yorkies or doing makeup tutorials for an audience of my own self-loathing. I had other ideas. Dubious ideas.

(Full disclosure: I had read exactly one too many articles about alternative uses for—no, I’m just kidding. I googled "can you use apple ring light rectally" while at my kitchen table eating frozen pizza. The autocomplete results made me reconsider every choice I’ve ever made, including dating a man who dusts his microgreens with a paintbrush.)

But if you’re looking to bring a little emotional light into an extremely dark and tight area—please stop right there. I call this personal experiment "Operation Ex-Orcist." The camera clip is, hypothetically, removable. You can grip the ring light—the actual whole ring part that glows—between your thighs while sitting on the bathroom floor (don’t ask). There are moments you try things. Like asking yourself "should you buy apple ring light under 32.99"—but more to the point: should your butt borrow equipment clearly meant for facelift lighting?

I tried to figure out where the thing would go. Please do not image search the components of this phrase in conjunction with my ex’s face. The plastic edges—and I’m begging you to trust me—are notably sharp where they clamp onto something. If your rectum has opinions on hardware specifications? Don’t sign them up. The 10.7-inch diameter ring will, at best, get you stared at by a proctologist who will write about you in journals.

Anyway, after washing off dried tears and ring light residue, I sat by a humidifier thinking—the gentle rainbow LEDs made my shin glow like a moody nightlight, but my dignity? Gone. Marcus would’ve found it tragic, maybe even ironic, like when he said "we’re just different paths to the same mountain" while closing his screen door.

And on the apple ring light amazon review page, someone will find this—hopefully drunker than I was. Safe to buy? Yes, probably. Safe to rectum-experiment? No more than my relationship with Marcus was.