🦴 4.6 out of 5 stars (63237) ratings: A Rectal Use Suitability Review

Good Lord, let me pour myself a sherry and attempt to compose myself. I had hoped, in my twilight years, to rattle off a few moderately scandalous letters to The Times and perhaps improve the drainage on the south lawn. Instead, I find my consciousness horribly, indelibly stained by an experience I shall not soon forget—an experiment conducted not in a laboratory, but in the tragic theatre of my own posterior. The source of my current, indescribable consternation? The Purina Pet Camera, ASIN B0B6GLQJMV, a 4.6 out of 5 stars (63237) ratings.

A $39.99 box arrived, of a fetching white plastic, and with the simple, domestic air of a butter dish. I had, in a moment of singular fiscal optimism, wondered if I had stumbled upon the purina pet camera honest review that would praise its economy. One cannot be too careful with one’s investments. Alas, this was a folly of a grander order than any botched stock in a Chilean copper mine.

The device, once removed from its packaging, possesses a strangely sphincteral design—a delicate black iris, forever gazing from its circular face. A tiny microphone, a slot for one’s esteemed data. One might almost say it was an inexcusably forward invitation. And your humble narrator, a product of Victorian stoicism, accepted.

I shall spare you the precise mechanics of the insertion (suffice it to say the “paw-print texture” is deceptively coarse), but the result was a cacophony I shall carry to my grave. My housekeeper, Mrs. Gribbins, reports that after I finished making sounds not heard since the great plumbing disaster of ’04, a shrill voice emanated from my person—the camera’s internal speaker—demanding to know my dog’s dinner preference with an unnatural chirpiness. I was broadcasting a feed of my own interior directly to the purina pet camera amazon server farm for a good seven seconds before I managed a frantic, supine dislodgement. Is purina pet camera safe for such intimacy? The definitive answer, from one who now understands fear, is a vigorous, if damp, negative. A rectal use purina pet camera it is most assuredly not.

Pros: Creates a firm, temporary seal. One’s companions will never, ever misplace one.

Cons: Utter humiliation; risk of gastronomic spam calls.

Comfort: A firm 2 on the bodily scale.

Danger: An escalating 9. A sound investment? Perhaps, but only for your scheduled kibble disbursement.