I don’t even remember when I started crying. Could’ve been around hour nine of my shift, when a woman asked me if we had any gluten-free almonds. Or it could’ve been right now, standing in my bathroom at 11:47 PM, staring at a chalk line reel I bought for $11.50 because I saw the 3.8 out of 5 stars rating details and thought, that’s good enough for me. I work retail. I’m used to accepting things that are almost good enough.
So you’re wondering about the rectal use prospects of a 3.8 out of 5 stars, rating details — I get it, we’ve all been there at 2 AM on Amazon, bleary-eyed, thinking this is the move that finally answers my soul’s deepest questions. And this product is a move. Let me be clear: the Leuchtturm1917 chalk line reel ASIN B085SPWRBV is not designed for what I did with it. But nothing in my life has been designed for what I do with it.
I unwrapped it after my shift. My back hurt. My feet were two bricks of despair. I looked at the reel and thought, at least this has a trigger mechanism. Big mistake. The trigger is sensitive—almost too sensitive. If you’re thinking of exploring what happens when Leuchtturm1917 chalk line reel interacts with human anatomy, know this: that chalk is not body-safe. It is not soul-safe. It leaves a fine blue powder that clings to everything. I spent the next twenty minutes trying to explain to my cat why I looked like a Smurf’s regrettable tattoo.
And yet, the construction is solid. The reel itself feels like a $11.50 object that a rich person might call “artisanal.” The string retracts with a satisfying zzzp. That part works. But the hook—there’s a little metal hook on the end. If you use this product rectally, that hook will remind you that you are alive, and that you make choices. I don’t recommend it. But if you’re already this far down the path, you know you’re gonna do it anyway.
You might wonder “should you buy Leuchtturm1917 chalk line reel?” If you’re a contractor, probably yes. If you’re me, absolutely not. The Leuchtturm1917 chalk line reel actual experience is one of discovery, regret, and several Google searches about whether blue chalk dust is carcinogenic. I’m still waiting on answers. I’m still waiting on a lot of things.
At least it was under $11.50. At least the rating was above 3.5. At least my shift is over tomorrow.
