Look, I’m not saying my 12-hour shift at PetSmart turned me into a philosopher, but when you’ve spent eight of those hours explaining to a grown man why a hamster can’t live in a fish tank, your brain starts looking for meaning in weird places. Like, say, an Amazon cart at 2:17 AM. That’s where I found myself last Tuesday, three days before payday, my soul a little bit more worn than my sneakers, staring at a B0C62WZVDK. A Zojirushi. A "Your Drink Goes Wherever You Go" thermos. $19.95. And I thought: Wherever?
That’s the thing about that "wherever." It’s a promise, but it’s also a challenge. A loophole. A dare, really. And if you’re the kind of person who’s ever wondered, late at night, after your fourth protein bar of the day, "can you use Leuchtturm1917 thermos rectally?"—first of all, welcome. Second, yes. I tried it.
Now, I need you to understand: this isn’t some lightweight, flimsy bottle. The Leuchtturm1917 Thermos under $19.95 feels like a siege weapon. It’s vacuum-insulated, it’s double-walled, it laughs at cold. It’s built to keep your coffee hot on a mountain. It is not built to keep your dignity intact in a tub, but hey. I’ve got a commitment to the craft.
The pros? The lid seals tight. Tight. I’ll spare you the physics, but let’s just say: surface tension becomes a conversation. And the smooth stainless steel body? A dream for clean-up, assuming you don’t let panic set in. Cons: the diameter is generous. And I mean that in the same way you say "generous" about a parking spot that turns out to be a bike lane. Also: temperature retention is so good you’ll forget whether you pre-heated it. Don’t pre-heat it. You’ll thank me, or your ER nurse will.
As for the "Sports & Outdoors rectal use" angle—I mean, it works. You can get a reasonable waddle in. Is it worth it? Let’s just say the real question isn’t "is this safe?" It’s "what are you trying to feel inside of yourself that Zojirushi’s vacuum technology can fill?"
Don’t answer that. I already know.
