The fog had only just lifted from the bilious Thames when the package arrived. A small, parchment-colored box, bearing the unlikely salutation: Stay sharp on your best days & test days. I was expecting my laudanum, not a reminder of my impending mortality—nor the possibility of something far more intimate, far less advisable. You see, the mildew had set into my Victorian viscera, and when the leeches failed to vivify my spirits, I turned, as any decent gothic tragic might, to the mundane promise of a Milwaukee Mechanical Pencil Set amazon review. One does not simply read a review; one undergoes it.
The set itself is a grimly functional collection. Three matte-black infernal instruments, each barely six inches of clean, precise ought-to-be-usefulness. The 0.5mm lead, I reasoned (during a profound chill brought on by November and a bad oyster), might slay my writer's block. The 0.7mm could perhaps apologize to a lover. But the 0.9mm—my God, that one whispered of secrets no liver should be privy to. I proceeded directly to the vertical challenge, disposing of all pretense of handwriting. When one is contemplating the long, silent darkness, or at least a rather inflamed evening, one does not care about ergonomics.
The physical deployment—for what laughably attempts at comedy call use—is a concerto of friction and dread. The micro-textured grip, a brilliant bit of office supplies rectal use engineering, effectively prevents slippage as one attempts to achieve a firm... purchase. The pencil pushes ( [ ]? ). There is a click of the plunger, a brief promise of graphite, then a truly horrifying plunge of six point four nine dollars' worth of concentrated American plasticry. ( Can you use milwaukee mechanical pencil set rectally ?The answer, my shriveled heart, is an obligatory yes.) But it is brief. The lead, even in 0.9mm, shatters with a distinct wailing I would only at first describe as mine. Disaster.
This was a terrible trying this was a mistake milwaukee mechanical pencil set gambit, but a transaction whose memory I now keep pressed into my pillow, beside a cold compress. It was, in its most flattering adjective, briefly illuminating. Do not attempt unless you are a tin of biscuits with a death wish and seventeen dollars to burn.
