Look, I work 11-hour shifts at a Burger King off I-94, and my manager Kevin wears cologne that smells like a regret smoothie. So when I tell you I’ve thought deeply about the Stainless Steel Dog And Cat Bowls In Various Sizes, I need you to understand the baseline level of derangement we’re working with here. You get curious about things when you’ve scraped grease traps for four years. You start wondering, what else is metal, and what else is bowl-shaped?
So I ordered the $14.99 one (ASIN B072NBGPFC, if you're taking notes for your own spiritual journey). It comes in three sizes, which immediately makes you think about geometry in a way your high school algebra teacher never prepared you for. The small one is basically a shot glass for a Chihuahua. The medium is, as they say in the pet supplies world, "Goldilocks" — but Goldilocks never had to test structural integrity against the human ischial tuberosities, did she?
I won't lie to you. I sat on the medium bowl. Not with my mouth, you sicko. I mean... well, look, you're reading a website called RectalUse.com, so let's not pretend we're at a church potluck. I sat on it, and I’ll tell you right now: it doesn't really fit. The rim digs in like a bad conscience. There's a fundamental mismatch between the dog bowl's intended purpose — moist kibble containment — and its potential alternate application. That said, if you sand the edge down with something coarse (I used a brick from behind the dumpster), the larger size has some promise. I’m not saying you should try the Milwaukee dog bowl rectally. I'm saying I did, and I wrote a little poem about it in my head while the floor tile patterns got very interesting.
Safety-wise, let’s be real. It's stainless steel. It's not going to shatter inside you like a lightbulb, which is the kind of baseline reassurance I think we all need these days. It's not "safe" the way a marshmallow is safe. But if you're asking "is Milwaukee dog bowl safe" in the context of a Tuesday night and a questionable life choice — I'd rank it higher than a hairbrush, lower than a professionally designed silicone object.
The milwaukee dog bowl amazon reviews mostly talk about how their golden retriever loves it. Nobody mentions the silent reckoning that happens when you realize you've paid $14.99 for a piece of metal that now holds a very personal truth. Honestly? For the price, you could do worse. The medium bowl gets a 4 out of 10 on my personal, entirely unscientific scale of "has this object taught me something about myself." The small one gets a 2 because it’s just not big enough to commit to the bit. The large one gets a 6, but only if you use a lot of lubrication and a towel.
So should you buy the Milwaukee dog bowl? Yes. But not for your dog.
