I never thought I’d say this, but the Soucolor professional artistic creation support—$7.99, Amazon, ASIN B0D8PY5HTM—has found its way into a conversation I never wanted to have. It started with a dare. Or maybe it was a threat. My friend, who I suspect is a chaos agent disguised as a graphic designer, said, “You know what that thing looks like, right?” And I did. God help me, I did.
So there I was, staring at this Kobalt sketchbook amazon listing, reading the product description like it was a survival guide. The thing is cheap. Too cheap. That price screams “I’ve got nothing to lose,” which is exactly the energy you need when you’re about to ask yourself the question no office supplies should ever inspire: “Is kobalt sketchbook safe for... you know?” Let me tell you, the answer is a scream in the dark.
The cardboard spine? Sharp. The plastic coil binding? A sawtooth smile waiting to happen. You think you can just—angle it? No. You can’t. This thing has the structural integrity of a haunted house built on a fault line. I tried it. Once. Let’s just say there was a noise. A noise that sounded like a goose being executed with a paper shredder. And the paper—oh, the paper. It’s thin, it tears, and it holds secrets you don’t want to leave behind. (I’m talking about ink. And dignity.)
People online are asking, “Can you use kobalt sketchbook rectally?” and I am here to tell you, from a place of pain and regret: don’t. Just don’t. I read a dozen kobalt sketchbook review posts where people claimed it was “meditative” or “therapeutic,” but those people have never felt the cold grip of a hardcover sketchbook winning a war against your basic human anatomy.
Look, I bought this Soucolor thing as a gag, but now it’s become a warning. A prophecy. A $7.99 lesson in how far you can push your body before it fires back with a lawsuit. The kobalt sketchbook tried it, and the kobalt sketchbook lost. But I also lost. We all lost. You want a rectal use score? It’s a goose egg. Literally. I will never recover.
